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Am I the only one who doesn´t believe a man if they tell you that they like you? When a boy tells me that he likes, I mean I feel honored, but I don´t quite believe him. I always feel like they don´t actually mean it and that this crush will fade after a while. And I am right most of the time. I mean it´s good that they move on because I don´t want them but like none of them liked me enough to actually fight for me. U Know ?
21 notes
1,108 notesDearest love,
Once upon a time you were the most beautiful thing in my life, you made me feel happy, you were my light, you made me feel like everything was just perfect without even trying. Now you’re just a painful fading memory, a ghost of my past. I don’t blame you for not feeling the same way about me or for being so cold and leaving me abandoned when I needed you the most. I try to convince myself that I hate you but how can I hate the only person I’ve loved so deeply? You were my first love and I’ll always care about you and love you even if you don’t. I don’t hate you for breaking my heart and giving me the most unbearable pain I’ve had to feel. I wish I did but I don’t, I could never hate you. It’s been close to 7 months since you walked out of my life without much of an explanation. The first few months were rough, I cried myself to sleep, wondered where I went wrong, started doubting myself, wondered why I wasn’t enough. I felt like I wouldn’t ever be able to make it through the pain that you caused me. Slowly I started to breathe a little easy. I wanted to do right by the advice you gave me the last time we spoke over call. I started to smile again, laugh a little more again, live outside my comfort zone, meet new people. See that’s the thing, even when you’re not there, your memories are always there to haunt me, even when I try to write a fresh chapter, one without you in it. I can’t deny the fact that you’ll always be a part of me no matter where I go or how old I become. You’ve helped me become the person I am today, both through the pain that you caused me and the advices that you gave. It still hurts knowing that I gave my all and it still didn’t work out. Maybe it would have had I done something differently or said it sooner, just maybe. We’re both in our 20s now and neither of us are the people we were as teenagers. I’m not the same girl I was when I fell in love with you and you’re no longer the same boy I fell in love with. 7 months later, I realised that I was holding onto the ghost of what you once were. I kept ripping myself apart for someone who’s not even there anymore. And even though you’re no longer the person I fell in love with, I’ll always continue to love you, even the darkest parts of you. Maybe we will meet each other again in a different city few years from now or in a different lifetime and maybe this time things won’t be so bad and just maybe this time, you won’t abandon me. Until then, I need to let you go as much as I don’t want to. I need to let you go so I can finally start living and so that I can be all that you made me believe I was capable of and maybe someday you’ll be the man I knew you were deep down.
Excerpt from a book I will never write #1379 // @itsxdixix on Instagram
4,958 notesIt was over for you long before it was over for me. It was over for you when “I love you” became something you felt obligated to say back, when my texts became a burden that you had to take time out of your day to respond to. It was over for you when my little quirks you fell in love with became mundane, when the way I stutter when I get shy no longer came off as cute to you, when how I constantly wanted to hold your hand and feel our skin pressed against each other became too clingy when you just wanted your own space. It was over for you when my body no longer pleased you, when you no longer saw me as beautiful and sexy as you once described me, when you got tired of seeing my body naked so you found other bodies that were better than mine. And maybe I should’ve realized you had fallen out of love with me a week before you told me as you said you did, but a couple days before it happened, when we were napping in your bed and jumping on each other play fighting, and I fell off the side of your bed, everything felt right. The way you looked at me was full of love, but I guess looks can be deceiving.
itsprincesslivyyy
13,285 notes“You’re complicated. You need someone who gets that about you.”—
Lev Grossman
Love this!